Why Do I Bother

the pain...
the pain of going too fast...
of unbridled zeal crashing into a concrete wall of reality check
why do i bother?
some things will never make sense.
some creatures defy logic to the point where even thinking illogical does little to make sense of things.
so much for fighting fire with fire.
i feel foolish
i should know better.
at the first glimmer of understanding i try and rip them out of the Matrix
and they aren't ready
the Valley f the Real is too much
even the promises of brigter days is too much
even proof of things to come is too much
most people are not in the dark
they refuse to see
it takes strength to see
to accept
to deal
to change
to fight!
it's easier to be weak
and cry victim
and be sad...
it's also cowardly
but most people are weak
and i accept that
but be quiet in your weakness...
if you choose not to fight
not to at least try to fix your situation
then suffer in silence...

why do i bother to show people the light?
to be so open to others who repay me by being closed to me.
ingrates...
it takes strength to be exceptional...
and i believe it is within us all to be exceptional beings...but why do i bother?
i end up heart-broken and weary...
angry...
frustrated...
bitter...
and a deeper loathing for people than before...
starring at the puppet strings...
ready to tangle them all together and drag them all and hurl them into space
useless people floating amongst dead satellites and cosmic junk...
why do i bother...
to bear my soul?
to give people even a glimpse of the Real Me...
i'm too proactive
i hate wasting time
if it can be done now i want it done now!
my time is precious to me
if i allot some of it to be with you, consider it a blessing
and blessings shouldn't be squandered...


my body craves rest...
i think...
plan...
study...
contemplate..
wonder..
.and yet i am still nowhere closer to the answer...


why do i bother......

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